


Gradually

by kuuritao



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, rated t for cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23610625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuuritao/pseuds/kuuritao
Summary: Every day is the same for Shirasagi Chisato until she finally makes a friend. Finally, something will change.
Relationships: Hanazono Tae/Shirasagi Chisato
Kudos: 15





	1. chisato

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clear up any confusion, this takes place in an AU where everything is the same except no pasupare/chisato is a little different than canon. She also has never met Kaoru before.

In the beginning, she would have been unable to recall  _ her _ name, even if her very life relied on it. 

But that was how it always was, because that was the written fate of Shirasagi Chisato. 

The guilt that was laced in her lack of volition had decreased with time. Discarding faces and names and the ones she could consider friends was frighteningly commonplace for someone such as herself. She  _ was  _ a renowned actress, after all. They knew her, but she would never know them. 

That was, until her life became the clichéd love stories she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy- and she had quite few of those, for your information. I mean, she had put off ever falling in love at a young age. The girl had a dream, and no time for a relationship- at the very least, she wanted to believe she did. 

The truth was, Chisato had nothing. Not a single friend, not a single hope she could ever escape the infinite routine that was being an actress. The more times she overheard  _ anyone  _ wishing to become an actor, the bitter with the world she grew.  _ Anything,  _ she would think.  _ I would give anything it was them, and not me.  _

Once school had finished, she would have to board the train as soon as possible, clutching her script the entire time, reciting the damned words inside of her head over and over and over and over and over and over again until she felt dizzy.

After hours of having to speak until her throat burned, having to memorize things until her head was pounding, and worst of all, having to face a stranger she would never truly know.

And following that, even at her own home, she had not a second to spare. By the time her homework was finished and emails responded to, it was already too late for a single moment for herself, or else she would look like the living dead in the morning. Appearance was everything to her. She had nothing else in the regard of “everything”. She was far too isolated for that.

And the days would drag on and repeat until she couldn’t find it in herself to care anymore. She would curse herself for talent, beg God above to lower expectations, but nothing ever changed. It never would. Chisato had accepted her present and her future, because there was no reason to believe the train she was stuck on would derail and fly off of its path and give her even the slimmest chance to be free from the chains she never had the choice but to succumb to, and meet someone,  _ anyone,  _ who would be able to put a sincere smile on her face.

But as these stories go, she spoke too soon.

Her grades were slipping anyways. She felt as if she was a robot- programmed to do nothing else except what others asked of her. The anger that kindled inside of her had mitigated, and left her as a mindless corpse. It all felt so hazy- like she was trapped in a dream, and couldn’t give a single  _ fuck  _ to try to get out of it. Her teacher lectured her for something, but she couldn’t remember what.  _ Sleeping in class? _ That didn’t sound like something she would do.

Maybe if it were a few years prior, she would have felt ashamed and humiliated, and bury herself further in her work to try and prove herself, but there was no way to bury herself anymore. Some days, she had trouble picturing her own face without the assistance of her mirror or phone camera, and even then, something looked so  _ off.  _ For example, her hair seemed more tangled than usual, or her typically bright (were they ever..?) eyes seemed much darker than she remembered. But it wasn’t the past anymore, so she brushed it off and let herself fall backwards into her spiral of school and work. 

She spent more than half of her day as somebody else, but there was no longer such a thing as Chisato Shirasagi. She was a blank slate, shaped by whatever roles she was taking on at the time. Maybe that was why she felt so weird lately, because she had become so absorbed into the character she was playing? Strange, where was she supposed to be heading, anyways?

Oh right, work. There was no time to be standing around. 

There was no time...ever. 

She attempted to rack her brain for answers- Mm, all she can see to focus on were the yells of the producers yesterday, questioning why she had looked like such a mess.

_ A mess, huh? _

She had to be at the train station by now, right? The sky was already turning a shade of orange. She was late. This was the first time she had ever been late. She lowered her head to stare at the ground. This was  _ definitely  _ not the train station. This was...this was school. 

Her legs felt as if they were about to give out. Where had she been walking this entire time? Had..had she even been walking in the first place, or was she just imagining it?

She fell into a heap on the ground. Her eyes felt hot and her cheeks were all wet. Chisato didn’t know what this meant. Any conscious thoughts had been left behind a long time ago. Breathing was hard. Standing up was impossible. It was probably nighttime by now, but the energy to perceive  _ anything _ was a foreign concept at present. 

“Shirasagi-senpai?”

That had startled her so much her eyes shot wide open and right there, crouching right next to her, was  _ someone _ but she couldn’t be certain they were real and she was too exhausted to lift her hand and check.

She was impressed, however. She had imagined a very pretty girl, with sparkling green eyes and long brown eyes that shone in the moonlight (how long had she been sitting there?) and- oh.

The girl was holding her hand, and it was warm, and she felt it. She took a wild guess, that there was a real human being in front of her. She didn’t know if she wanted to be right or not anymore. 

Chisato’s last bit of adrenaline had been used up, and her eyes closed shut again. She hadn’t blacked out yet, but she was surely getting there. The warmth had moved to her shoulders, and she was being shaked widly. Probably. That voice spoke to her again, but only a few words were being made out. Was this dying? But if she died, then she wouldn’t be able to go to work, and then everyone would-

Work.

Chisato jumped up, suddenly aware of everything and anybody around her. The anybody, being someone in the school’s uniform she didn’t recognize. Whoever she was, she looked absolutely, and utterly appalled. 

The stranger followed suit, and stood up, the whites of her eyes huge. She was a lot taller than Chisato. A..a whole lot taller. Sometimes she wonders how she manages the career she had at her height. She thought for a second her rescuer was a third year, but the instrument case resting on her back alluded to her grade. There were rumors of a band amongst the first years, and this person must be one of them. She was never one for music herself, but she believed that was a guitar case that belonged to her kohei. The guitarist of that new group...her name was Kasumi, correct? This had to be her.

“Um..Shirasagi-senpai, excuse me for asking, but what were you doing on the ground?”

Oh, yes. That.

Chisato had no idea how to explain what just occurred. She only remembered bits and pieces of it herself, anyways. 

So she fired back with a question of her own. “What are  _ you _ doing here at night, Kasumi-chan?” She meant to say it politely, but it came out quite the opposite. 

The girl just gave her a blank stare in return. “I’m not Kasumi.”

There it is. She just made everything awkward. Chisato had no experience in conversation outside of what was written for her, and it wasn’t like her mind was in the best place right now regardless. She clasped her hands together and looked over her shoulder to avoid any kind of face-to-face contact. 

Even if Chisato couldn’t see it, she could only picture the confusion on her kohei’s face. Lucky for her, the guitarist spoke up to break the silence that was slowly killing them both.

“Senpai...i’m Hanazono Tae,” She introduced, a hint of gloom in her voice. “Let me walk you home. You can explain everything there.” 

Chisato turned her head to eye  _ Tae _ curiously. She had learned to tune most things out, so her name hadn’t come up in Chisato’s radar. Whoever this girl was...she seemed very upset, so Chisato complied.

It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but it wasn’t awful, either. Nobody has ever treated her like this for as long as she could remember, so it was very uncomfortable trying to describe how she had felt lately without excluding the details ( _ that would just make everything more confusing _ , she sighed to herself). Even still, Tae listened to every word intently, her demeanor staying the same throughout. As uneasy as it was pouring your heart out to a stranger, it felt slightly relieving to know she even cared, or at least pretended to. 

She wasn’t finished speaking once the pair had reached Chisato’s house. She thinks she might have gone overboard within her venting, but the guitarist didn’t seem too bothered by that in particular- she _ had  _ looked distressed ever since Chisato had first laid her eyes on her. 

Slightly inquisitive but brought up too distant to ask, Chisato had waved her goodbye as Tae saw her off. The younger girl had ordered her to talk with her during lunch break the next day, but Chisato knew tomorrow was going to come up with bigger problems that she wasn’t going to be able to avoid. Nevertheless, she wasn’t done with Tae Hanazono. She had treated her with something she didn’t even believe existed anymore- care. She made sure she got home safely, and took in every word that escaped her lips with interest- and not the kind where everyone in school the day after would know about the problems she’s been facing lately. 

Not even once, did Hanazono ask her about her job, or indirectly insult her regarding her fame, as most people did. It made Chisato’s heart warm, and she felt like she was dying for the second time that day. 

Maybe. Just maybe Chisato Shirasagi could make a friend. 


	2. tae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for grammar mistakes and ooc!! i am trying as hard as I can

In the beginning,  _ her  _ name was constantly resting on her lips, waiting for the single moment she could speak it. 

She would wait as she drowned in her worries- worries that all linked directly to  _ the  _ acclaimed actress alone- Shirasagi Chisato.

It didn’t feel right to fret so much, especially when everything was going so  _ right.  _ Right for her, at the very least.

Her band had recently performed at the live house SPACE. She had just adopted another rabbit. Her first year at Hanasakigawa had been going smoothly.

But then, she discovered that Shirasagi Chisato  _ herself  _ was also a student at the school. And it absolutely turned everything upside down.

Tae Hanazono adored many things- rabbits, before anything. Then her bandmates and family, then her guitar and music, and then hamburger steaks, and the list goes on and on until it seems endless. 

There was something-  _ someone  _ very particular on her metaphorical list of likes. 

Not a single soul in the world knew, but Tae Hanazono admired this someone so very much. it would be unable to comprehend to anyone but herself, because the name  _ Chisato Shirasagi  _ was a very sacred one. Rumors of her were unavoidable no matter where you went, and not even one of them was spoken in a positive light. 

That was true, for the most part. Chisato was well-liked by movie and television studios Tae guessed, and the girl had a sizeable fanbase as well. But Tae…

She had to be the biggest fan of all.

Not in any sort of creepy way, of course. Still- there was a reason she cherished the actress so much. In retrospect, it sounds pretty childish. 

The fondest memory Tae holds feels even more like yesterday as the days go by. When she was still in primary school, and just beginning to play on the guitar, she saw a showing of  _ Alice in Wonderland  _ produced by a local studio. And that was only the first of many she saw Chisato perform onscreen. Her role of Alice was played so beautifully- she was so graceful, so expressive, so  _ perfect _ . The young actress captured Tae’s heart in that moment, and in many more moments to come. As she grew up, she realized how Chisato had inspired her to pursue her dreams of being as skilled of a guitarist she could ever be. Chisato had to have had a dream as well, right? Tae would make hew own wishes come true, and hoped the other girl could do the same. 

So tell her, when Tae walks through the courtyard on her second day at Hanasakigawa and right there, in plain sight- is none other than Shirasagi Chisato, scribbling something down intently in a notebook.

Her first response was to wonder why she was sitting by herself. Tae knew Chisato wasn’t very social- but it made sense. She turned down interviews and was rarely seen in public, despite the tabloids constantly stirring up drama surrounding the girl. It was strange- but Tae assumed she might have just been busy and needing time to herself at the moment. The second thing to strike her as odd was the fact she had  _ never _ realized Shirasagi attended the same school. 

Tae wasn’t the kind of person to stick her nose in other people’s conversations. That being said, it was ridiculous that she wasn’t aware of this- it was only her second day, but it was impossible to not know this...right? It was true Tae didn’t have any friends and was unsure when or even if she would make any, and she really preferred speaking to her rabbits over people, but still…

Thirdly, Chisato looked purely, and utterly  _ drained.  _ Tae knew she gave her all when she performed, but that couldn’t have been normal… maybe she just wasn’t having a good day. 

Many people would think meeting your favorite star would be one of the happiest moments in your life, but Tae just felt ill at ease. A wave of concern for the girl washed over her, but she was aware it wasn’t any of her business.

So, as culpable as she felt for walking away, it was the only thing she could do. Tae could only hope her senpai was alright. 

Many things happened after that “meeting”. Tae had to stay late for an assignment, where she had met Toyama Kasumi, leading to the string of events that created Poppin Party.

The guitarist had spotted Chisato on campus a couple of times as the school days went by, and it never seemed she had recovered- in fact, it looked if the actress was deteriorating further. She was so distant, and the awful words directed towards her were brought to Tae’s attention. A number of people had also noticed Chisato’s worn-out appearance, but nobody seemed to  _ care.  _ Even at lunch break, the girl sat all on her own, not even a hint of a smile on her lips. What came off at even more perplexing was there was no sadness there either- there was nothing. Chisato had just seemed so empty- like something had sucked all of the life out of her and she wasn’t going to bother looking for it back. 

Tae kept telling herself not to pry, but it hurt even more to just brush it off every day. As extreme as it sounds, Chisato changed her life without even realizing she had done it. 

Tae flopped onto her bed one day, Oddie in her arms. She stroked his fur tenderly, happy squeaks and purrs coming out from the rabbit’s mouth. 

“What should I do, Oo-chan?” The girl hummed, giving his floppy ears a scratch. Her mouth was curled into a frown, her dilemma shining in her emerald eyes. The animal rubbed its pudgy cheeks against her hand, giving no response in return.

“You don’t know either, huh buddy?” Tae giggles, brushing her thumb against the bunny's tiny pink nose. 

The guitarist fell asleep late that night, unable to keep herself from strumming her guitarist while gazing at the stars outside of her window. 

_ Stars… _

Just for a second, she mused if Chisato was staring at the same stars she was at the moment. 

It took two months of high school to speak to Chisato, at long last. Tae hated it. She didn’t mean to start the conversation. It was all a  _ stupid fucking mistake _ and it was all her fault. 

Rehearsal was long that night. Rimi and Kasumi had completed some new lyrics, and the band was trying to focus on the melody and tempo, and it hadn’t gone too well. It still seemed difficult for Kasumi to get the notes right while singing at the same time, which was understandable. Everyone was weary by the time they had finally got it down, and the sun had set a while ago. 

Tae was walking her way home, the night sky clear and cold. She had a jacket in her bag, but it would be too much of a-

Tae paused. She was on her way home, passing by the school as she went. Since practice usually ended at sundown, a few students staying after school for clubs was normal. But it was soon to be  _ midnight. _ And there...there was definitely a noise coming from the school.

The girl shuffled her feet, suddenly feeling uneasy. Could it be a ghost? She was never one to be afraid of ghosts, but still- why would the ghost be crying?

She held her bag to her chest, taking in a deep breath. She had to go see what was happening, to protect anyone from being haunted the next day. 

What she didn’t expect to see, however, was Chisato slouched against the steps of the school, sobbing her eyes out, her fists clenching the fabric of her skirt. 

There was no time for questions. As dumbfounded as she was, Chisato was clearly in pain.

“Shirasagi-senpai?”

That was a lot louder than she intended it to be. Chisato’s red eyes opened, her pupils small and her body shaking from the chill. 

Tae immediately kneeled down, the sudden gusts of wind sweeping her hair across her face.  _ Was a storm coming through? _

She was abruptly grateful towards Kasumi for not being able to multitask. If she hadn’t come when she did, Chisato might have been blown away by the weather…

Chisato was gazing at Tae, a faraway look of indignation on her senpai’s lips. As much as Tae wanted to shout her apology right then and there, it wasn’t the time right now. She reached for the actress’s hand, her freezing fingertips sender a shiver down Tae’s spine. 

Tae felt defeated when Chisato’s eyelids slammed shut again. Anxiety was brewing inside of her- was she unconscious? 

_ She can’t be… _ Tae bit her lip, the threat of tears about to pounce onto her. 

_ I am responsible.  _

HIndsight wouldn’t prove her right or wrong. She began to jerk Chisato’s shoulders violently, with no regard for being gentle.

“Senpai, wake up! Are you alright?”

Her heart stopped when Chisato literally  _ shot _ upwards, her expression suddenly full of panic. Tae pulled her arms backward, the prospect of a ghost now surfacing again.

_ It must have possessed Chisato… _

Tae got up as well, pulling on the straps of her guitar case tighter over her arms. Her pulse was probably going 500 mph a minute. 

She wanted to get the hard part over with already.

“Um...Shirasagi-senpai, excuse me for asking, but what were you doing on the ground?”

A part of her she did not appreciate hoped her words would just fall on deaf ears and Chisato would walk away and this wouldn’t actually be their first conversation.

The actress folded her arms, glaring at something that wasn’t there. “What are you doing here at night, Kasumi-chan?” 

Oh. Tae didn’t think of an answer for that.

“I’m not Kasumi.”

That upset Chisato even more, much to Tae’s chagrin. As cold at is was outside, she felt as if her entire body was burning. There was nothing she wanted more than to go home and bawl her eyes out.

“I’m Hanazono Tae.” The girl murmured, feeling a sudden desire to be the one lying against the steps. 

The air around her was suffocating, and the cops would be called if anyone caught them right now. She wondered how hard it was to transfer schools overnight. 

“Let me walk you home,” She continued, examining Chisato’s countenance through the pitch-black darkness.

\---

“The staff were screaming at me.” The girl murmured, her voice cracking, hands fumbling with the zipper on her schoolbag. 

“...At least, that’s what I can remember.”

_ Just how far away did she live?  _

Tae nodded her head, seeing Chisato’s velvet eyes flicker with the fuzzy memories of the past few days. Those eyes, Tae would swear, were the most divine in the world. 

“Aha, forgive me, but I..” The actress tilted her head to the side, rubbing at her face with the back of her hand. “It’s absurd I’m bothering you with my problems of all things.” 

_ There it was. The ‘professional’ voice Tae was dreading to hear.  _

She simply shook her head as a response. “I don’t mind.” It was then she realized her teeth were chattering. She felt as if she were frozen solid, but Chisato didn’t even seem to realize how cold it was. It was if they were living in different worlds at once.

Considering she had already fucked up this badly, it would be wise to just put an end to it. 

“Tomorrow, during lunch,” Tae said as the two approached Chisato’s house. “If you need to, you can come to speak to me.” She stopped, and took one final glance at her senpai. 

That was right. From now on, Chisato was her senpai. And nothing else. 

Tae held back the floodgates as she waved the older girl goodbye, a taste of iron in her mouth. 

The walk back to her own home felt like she was being weighed down with the weight of the world. Chisato Shirasagi was many things to Tae Hanazono, but this was the last thing she had wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something...something about tae having a celebrity crush on chisato and not knowing how to bear the weight of actually knowing her personally gets to me yknow

**Author's Note:**

> AHHHHH wow, I really wanted to try something kinda new and make a multichapter fic for taechisa! This is a little bit ambitious and updates may be slow, but I hope everyone enjoys nonetheless! 
> 
> This Chisato is a bit ooc, but I wanted to try and play around with her character a but more/really make room for development. Any comments and advice are appreciated! its 6 am I should go to sleep


End file.
